I did not leave that room in bruises, scrapes, or broken bones. Yes, I had plenty of internal wounds, but none on the exterior. That made me live in denial for months that nothing happened that night, that it wasn't rape. Over and over in my head, I replayed the events and I finally had to face my deepest fear... I was raped.
My story is different from yours, but we are in the steps to recovery together and our fears are near the same. Recovery is not linear and what works for me is not always gonna work for you, and thats okay. There are plenty of days where I look in the mirror and I think, "oh I got this. I am stronger than my past, I am a fighter. He no longer has power over me!" Yeah, well then like the next day, I am back to not being able to get out of bed and I breakdown over nothing.
Guess what... thats normal! You are human, you are gonna have good days and bad days. But for me, my bad days are getting further apart, and I am so happy. I am able to accept that I was raped. That took me 2 years to do. My road to recovery is not over, I still have ways to go, but I am so proud of where I am today. I still have not said my rapist name out loud nor spoke of the events that took place on second floor of Marinest Hall. But, I could not have made this website if it was not for my bestest of friends (you know who you are) and my mother.
The progress I have made though, is huge. Everyday that you wake up is a win, that is progress. You live to fight another day. That is why I hate being called a survivor. Yes, I survived that night, but that insinuates that my battle is over. Nope, it is an everyday internal war. I am a fighter! The image that is with this post is the symbol of me. This symbols encompasses my story and I had it made as a reminder to me that I am an overcomer and a fighter. Everyone has a past that does not define who they are. Yes, it has played a role to shape who you are, but you are in the driver's seat. You are in control now. It is time for you to ReClaim yourself, your past, your present, and your future. That is a power that only you have!
So who ever is reading this, celebrate with yourself. You are fighting another day, you are reading a stupid blog post thing because you want to get getter! You got this <3 Time doesn't 'heal' all wounds, but time makes them a little more bearable. Things will get better. Please continue to seek help and find ways to cope.
Till next time :)
